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The Interviewerved:
Alex Reimer
"The Swerved"
by Stephen Rivera
For Stephen's latest blog entries, please visit
The Swerved every
Monday. The Armpit is privileged to post classic Swerved blog
entries from the past every week.
January 22, 2007
------------------
Oh, hello. I didn't notice you there
nowhere in this room as I was typing words out on a computer you can't
see. Like the title proclaims, welcome to the second installment of my
interview-counterview segment entitled The Interviewerved. My guest this
week hails from the great American state of Massachusetts. While he has
been feautured on numerous talk shows and news articles, eloquently
expressing his views on sports, I have been featured on none. What's my
excuse? I am too beautiful for mass media.
Ladies and gentleman, without further delay, I think it's time to get to
the nitty-gritty with the host of the No Holds Barred wrestling podcast
-- Alex Reimer.
I don't know about you, but when I was 14 years old, I wasn't analyzing
professional wrestling in such a thorough and blunt manner. Instead, I
was spending time with friends, throwing lit fireworks at larger lit
fireworks, in an attempt to impress Trixie Stanwick, the class beauty at
the time. When she turned down my advances, I lit her hair on fire and
threw her at the fireworks pile. That was simply how I rolled back then.
If you or someone famous you know would like be a guest on The
Interviewerved, please leave a comment or send an e-mail. I have a
surplus of APA's "Always Pounding Ass" shirts I purchased on
Uncomfortably Switch Your Sexual Orientation Day. I am willing to give
them out to those who agree to be interviewed.
-Stephen
*****
The
Interviewered: Alex Reimer
"I could never survive..." - Alex Reimer on spending time with
TNA's announce team
Alex Reimer: Statistics
- 14-year-old sports/professional wrestling analyst
- The Phenom
- Gave Lashley charisma for Christmas, but Lashley returned it.
Finishing Move: Roll up (99.99999% of WWE and TNA matches end with a
roll up, so that might as well be my finishing move.)
10 Questions
1) You are the host of Without A Curse on
MySportsRadio.com, chronicling the trials and tribulations of the
Boston Red Sox. Your wrestling show, No Holds Barred, is also featured
on the sports-related site. Vince McMahon says wrestling is not
necessarily a sport, preferring to call it "sports entertainment" --
professional wrestling in concept, but not really in truth. Does the
idea of sports entertainment make Vince McMahon a bonafide genius, or a
genius in concept, but not really in truth?
A: I think that Vinnie Mac is somewhat
of a genius, as he took wrestling from a kayfabe, regional outlet, and
made it into a multi billion dollar entertainment business. I think we
can all agree that at one point in time, the WWE was simply the best
entertainment on television. It had drama, action, excitement, suspense,
romance, comedy, etc. However, in 2007 I question whether McMahon has
gone completely insane, or if he's just too damn stubborn to do things
differently. I'm leaning towards the latter, because I find it hard to
believe somebody who was once so brilliant, could become such an idiot
only a couple of years later. McMahon's vision of wrasslin' shot him to
the top of the industry, and he's too damn stubborn to get better, or to
compromise.
2) Let's stay on Mr. McMahon for a second. In a recent wrestling moment
that will forever live in infamy, D-Generation X hilariously claimed
that Vince McMahon loved roosters. The suggestive phrase spawned a WWE
t-shirt featuring a cartoon rooster confidently pointing at himself with
"Vince Loves" written above him in green. This shirt is classy, but is
it the new tuxedo?
A: If it is, I'll be jumping the border
out of this country. I don't know what's scarier: That the WWE actually
sells those, or that people actually buy those things?
3) You were a guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno way back in
September 2005. At WCW Road Wild in 1998, Jay Leno defeated Hulk Hogan
and Eric Bischoff with the help of Diamond Dallas Page and Kevin
Eubanks. Therefore, is Jay Leno world title material?
A: If David Arquette was, I think
somebody who has had at least some success in Hollywood is championship
material.
4) World Wrestling Entertainment's Kenny Dykstra is named after former
Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Lenny Dysktra. With that said, if you
could adopt the name of any Red Sox player in history as your own, what
name would you choose and why?
(Note: Keep in mind that if WWE hired you to wrestle for them, your
gimmick would be that you're 14 years old. What's dynamic about this
particular gimmick is that it's 6 years better than Dykstra's gimmick of
being 20 years old.)
A: Alex Ramirez. The gimmick would be
that I'm too lazy to try to improve, because I won my first couple of
matches. I'd then get into a feud with all the veterans, and completely
beat them down!
5) TNA's Mike Tenay and Don West were recent "guests" on your show. If
you were stuck in an elevator and forced to listen to them commentate
non-stop for one entire week, could you survive? If so, how?
A: I could never survive.....
6) It looks as though Batista will face Undertaker in a World
Heavyweight Title versus Winning Streak Match at Wrestlemania 23.
Undertaker's streak may be wasted
in this bout, but if you could pick one way to describe Batista's
probable and unnecessary victory, what would it be?
a) Batista defeating Undertaker is like adding another slice of ham to a
sandwich that already has enough ham on it.
b) Batista defeating Undertaker is like an older man giving a old man
the last spot on the last raft departing from the sinking Titanic.
c) Batista defeating Undertaker is like ten thousand spoons when all you
need is a knife.
d) Other: (please specify)
A: I think saying A best represents
my thoughts. Tista has been shoved down our throats enough, he's already
a "star," so there's really no point in giving him an extra rub. Then
again, there's really no point in anything that the WWE does these days.
7) Wrestling live events are wonderful affairs wheredrunk people get
into fights, kids swear in each other's faces, and women scream
consistently at dreamy male athletes. What's the oddest thing you ever
heard or saw from a fan at a live event?
A: I talked about this last month on my
podcast....I went to the December 12th taping of ECW/SD, and some crazy
woman was behind me. She kept screaming at me, and the people around us,
because we were all booing Lashley. She then said we're all dumb,
because that means we like The Big Show. She also was mad because the
t-shirt bimbos wouldn't shoot her a t-shirt, and she threatened to kill
them, etc. She was a crazy monkey thingie, and I'll argue she deserved
to die more than Saddam Hussein. She
is a crazy lunatic, who needs to be stopped if this country wants to
move forward.
8) WWE provides dream matches every week on TV. For instance, The Miz
versus The Boogeyman is just like The Rock versus Hulk Hogan, except
it's the opposite of The Rock versus Hulk Hogan, and there's a whole
bunch of worms. Is there any dream match that the WWE can do today that
you'd be interested in seeing?
A: On their current roster, I can't
really think of any. There are quite a few "really cool" matches they
could do, like Orton vs. Cena, Cena vs. Batista, Finlay vs. RVD, etc.
But I wouldn't really call any of them "dream matches". The current
roster just isn't that good, which is sad because the WWE has the
resources to get the best talent in the world. Instead, they sign
steroid monsters like Daniel Rodhimer.
9) TNA loves changing a wrestler's name. From Billy Gunn to The Outlaw
to Kip James, from Low-Ki to Senshi, and from Kurt Angle to Nothing
Special, TNA is full of great monikers. Hypothetically, let's say Rey
Mysterio signs with TNA, but is forced to use a different name. In TNA,
what do you think his name would be? For example, if he joined Team 3-D,
I think he'd be called Brother Guerrero.
A: Heh, how about Dominik Rey, or "I
was
once marketable, but I became an Eddie charity case, and my career got
f***ed worse than the people affected by Hurricane Katrina were f***ed."
10) Invent the next great wrestling catchphrase. What is it?
A: "I might have no charisma, I
probably don't have any ring skills, and I can't garner a reaction from
the crowd. However, I'm big and strong, and can say ROOOAAAAARRRRR!!!!!."-
Gene Snitsky, Test, Mike Knox, Chris Masters, Lashley, Batista, Great
Khali, Daniel Rodhimer, Viscera. That quote is sooo great, because it
works for multiple guys.
Thanks for asking me some questions
Stephen. If I can insert a cheap plug, I wanna tell your listeners that
NHB is posted every Thursday, on
www.mysportsradio.com.
It's only 20-25 minutes long, and full
of wrestling information. Listener participation really makes us thrive
at MSR, so call up the quick take line
Stephen
Rivera is the author of
The Swerved, one of the most critically acclaimed blogs on the
internet. To read Stephen's brand new posts every week, please
visit The Swerved
every Monday.
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