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Stupid Things Said by Stupid Marks

You know what I'm talking about.  You're at the arena, or at some friend's house, and the people there don't know much about wrestling.  In short, they're marks.  And they say stupid things.

Well, it's time we start documenting those dumb-ass remarks.  Please contact us with your stupid story.  This list has the potential to be very, very long.

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"I told my friend that Demolition Smash was the Repo Man, and he was laughing so hard he fell off the chair.  I was like, 'Hey bud, are you okay?'  He wouldn't stop laughing.  Neither of us ever knew it was the same guy." - Overheard in line at an indie show.

"The Ultimate Warrior is coming back to WWE.  So is King Kong Bundy.  I read it on the internet." - Someone I know.  He said this in October of 2007, by the way.  Where does he get his news from, the Onion?

"John Cena is coming back at WrestleMania.  He's going to wrestle Beth Phoenix for the women's title." - A friend of mine.  He said this seriously, like he really believed it.

"I don't know man, Rany Orton's pretty good.  He reversed the F-U from John Cena." - A friend of mine.  He said this like Orton was really countering a move for real, as opposed to following a scripted finish.  Does he know wrestling is fixed?

"Chuck Zito wants to fight at 52?  It could be done, but he would have to end the fight quickly." - A former co-worker of mine, apparently clueless that Zito has never had an MMA fight, is far too old to even be allowed to fight in a regulated state, and would get his ass handed to him by even the most novice MMA fighter of any size.

"It looks like they're having sex." - Just about everyone I've ever watched an MMA fight with. 

"King Booker T?  Didn't they try that angle in WCW?" - An old co-worker.  I must have missed that angle in WCW somehow.

"Why does HHH hate the Rock so much?  Is it because Rock made it in the movies and he didn't?" - An ex-coworker.  Umm, yeah, sure, that's the reason.

"I found some guy on the internet in Puerto Rico selling wrestling DVDs for real cheap.  Do you think it's legit?" - A friend of mine... who apparently will believe anything anyone says and is about to lose a lot of money to some crook in Puerto Rico.

"I went to Raw last night, but when I went home and watched it on TV, I noticed they didn't air some of the stuff that happened at the end of the show!" - A friend of mine, who apparently isn't aware that after Raw goes off the air, they do dark matches and angles in the arena to send the fans home happy.

"I went to see the WWF on the weekend, and they did the Brother Love show three times!  They probably messed up and had to do it over." - A former classmate of mine, who wasn't aware that in the 80s and early 90s, the WWF used to tape three weeks worth of television at once.

"Was Chris Benoit upset about his demotion from Horseman to Raw?" - Nancy Grace, who said this classic line the first time she covered the Benoit case.  That has to be the funniest, most clueless line (on so many levels) ever.  The intern who did research for Nancy on that one deserves some sort of award.  This probably belongs in our Famous Quotes section, but it's so classic it belongs here too.

"Oh, he has to be Jean-Claude's brother." - My stepmother watching her first RVD match. (thanks to Austin)

"(insert move name here) doesn't hurt! Here, put it on me..." - Far too many people in far too many places. The best one for me was the Figure Four, which left a friend crying.  (thanks to Austin)

"Randy Orton beats the Undertaker at Mania, they're SO going to make him the number one contender." - Some guy at college who truly thought that RKO was going to end the streak.  (thanks to Austin)

"That blood's not real. They use ketchup." (thanks to Mitch)

"Chris Benoit wasn't a good wrestler anyway."  (thanks to Mitch)

"Lance Storm is really boring. Steve Austin's right that he's sleeping during the match." (thanks to Mitch)

"You wanna be a PRO WRESTLER? You going to UFC?"  (thanks to Mitch)
 

"Hulk Hogan put wrestling on the map.  I remember at the first Wrestlemania Hogan beat the Iron Sheik for his first WWE title reign." - He was right that he did in fact beat Iron Sheik for his first WWE title reign, but it actually happened a year before Wrestlemania (thanks to Travis)

"Simon Dean is played by Rico." - Even though Rico and Simon Dean are from different ethnic backgrounds. (thanks to Travis)

I had a cousin who swore that Ivan Putski and Mighty Igor were the same person. I think he got this ridiculous notion because sometimes in the magazines they would actually show a picture of Igor and list his name as Ivan Putski and vice versa. I actually went back through my old wrestling magazine collection and showed him actual matches of the two against each other and his response was the the photos were pasted together to appear as 2 different people. I'll have to admit that they did resemble each other in the mid 70's when Ivan was off the juice. But even so, Ivan still had muscles as to which I never saw on Igor at any time. (thanks to Mike T.)

Some guy at high school said that wrestlers wore rubber masks with fake blood in them. (no name given)
 

"Dude wrestling is fake.  I saw HHH hit some guy with a sledge hammer and he got right back up."  That's funny because I don't remember that ever happening, and HHH would never let that happen anyway.  (thanks to John)

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