So WrestleMania 21 is right around the corner, and am I the only one who thinks they haven’t built up ENOUGH matches yet? We have Batista/HHH, JBL/Cena, and Shawn vs. Angle, even though they haven’t even looked at each other since the Royal Rumble.

So this WrestleMania is the setting for one of the most tasteless, controversial angles ever, with Sgt. Slaughter turning into an Iraqi sympathizer and basically pissing on everything that soldiers were trying to do. Also, it was supposed to be held at the LA Coliseum, but was called off due to a “bomb threat” (coughcoughLOWTICKETSALEScough)

For those of you who have been asking, all these WrestleMania’s are from the box set, so they are all uncut. Which is good and bad…sit through 20 minutes of Hercules/Haku and tell me how you feel.

-Willie Nelson sings America the Beautiful, massive “USA” chant breaks out.

-Hacksaw Jim Duggan comes out for color duties.

The Rockers (Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels) vs. The Barbarian and Haku

Let’s play a game and guess the Rockers’ blood alcohol level for this match, I’ll start the over-under at .08. Shawn and Haku start off and Haku grabs a headlock, and the drives Shawn into the corner, before Shawn leapfrogs and gets a shoulder block. Shawn works the arm and Haku goes to the eyes, Shawn reverses and gets a tag to Marty, and they hit Haku with a double hip toss. Barbarian comes in and clotheslines their heads off, as both do the somersault sell, cool spot. Shawn and Marty are back up, however and they hit Haku and Barbarian with double superkicks to send them to the outside. Back in, Barbarian and Marty square off and Barbarian works him over. Marty tries a sunset flip, but can’t get him over, so he grabs a headscissors instead. Marty can’t quite get him flipped for the hurricanrana, so Shawn comes in and gives the assist with a dropkick, and it gets two. Nice pop for that. Barbarian gets the tag, and it’s a double headbutt for Marty. Marty and Shawn try the headscissors-dropkick spot again, but this time the referee cuts Shawn off, so Barbarian comes in and clotheslines Marty on the top rope. Ah, continuity! Marty gets caught with an elbow off the ropes, and Barbarian tags in. Marty takes a press slam, and Barbarian lures Shawn in the ring for some heel double-teaming. Haku comes in but gets caught with a crossbody for two. Haku sends Jannetty hard into the corner, and gets a pair of backbreakers. Barbarian comes in and gets two, then follows with a clothesline. Barbarian grabs a bearhug, and then sends Marty into the corner. Jannetty gets a foot up on the blind charge, and tries a high cross body from the second rope, but gets powerslammed in mid-air, nice. Barbarian goes up top(?!!) but misses his headbutt, this is some pretty good heat for this match. Hot tag to Shawn and he’s a house of fire, as he sends pounds away on Haku, and gets a crossbody Barbarian. He catches Haku with a neckbreaker for two, and gets a Marty-assisted sunset flip for two. Double dropkick sends Barbarian over the top. Both Rockers climb the corner, and Marty hits a missile dropkick, and Shawn follows with a high crossbody for the pin! Nice finish.

Winner: The Rockers

-Pretty damn good big vs. little match, so sue me, I liked it. ***

-Hacksaw takes off and Heenan joins Monsoon at the announce position.

-Mean Gene is backstage with Regis Philbin, who does some really bad impressions, Marla Maples (who?) who is rocking the 80s hair, and Alex Trebek (HE’S a celebrity??).

Dino Bravo vs. “Texas Tornado” Kerry Von Erich

Dino is really starting to show signs of those steroids catching up to him, sporting the beer gut and receding hairline. Dino attacks before the bell, and clotheslines Kerry over the top rope. Make sure his foot doesn’t fall off. Dino sends him back inside, and Kerry gets an atomic drop to take over. Kerry tries for the Iron Claw, Fritz would be proud, but Dino chops out of it. Dino gets a bad looking inverted atomic drop, and drops a pair of elbows for two. Off the ropes, Dino gets his side suplex, which was his finisher at the time, but it only gets two. Dino goes to the second rope and gets a chop, and then stomps away in the corner. Back to the second rope, but this time Dino gets caught in the Iron Claw, which would have been better if they pulled out the “bleeding from the forehead during the claw” spot. Discus punch from Kerry for the pin. What a dumb finisher.

Winner: Kerry Von Erich

-Well, ok so it was short at least. *1/2 and let’s keep moving.

-Sean Mooney is backstage with Warlord and the Jive Soul Bro himself, Slick. Slick promises the British Bulldog gets “fixed” tonight. Warlord is like your typical muscle-head heel, “No one escapes my full nelson HAHAHAHAH!”

-Mean Gene is with the Bulldog, and an actual Bulldog. Davey Boy talks to the dog, who cracks a joke. Wow.

Warlord (w/Slick) vs. The British Bulldog

Didn’t Warlord get a big settlement because he got run over by a Domino’s Pizza truck or something? 30 minutes or less…BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! Gorilla says it’s going to be a “pure power match” which is carny for “this match will suck”. Warlord pounds away (I’m as shocked as you are) to start, and they trade shoulderblocks before Bulldog sends Warlord to the outside. I wonder how many needles were shared between these two? Warlord gets a Samoan Drop and drops three elbows, he brought the moveset tonight. He backs Bulldog into the corner, and then gets what Gorilla says is a “beautiful” bearhug. I didn’t know it was a complex maneuver. Bulldog breaks it, but gets caught with a clothesline for two. They trade punches, and Warlord gets a belly-to-belly suplex and goes right to the chinlock. Bulldog breaks it and gets a dropkick, he rams Warlord into the corner 10 times for good luck, and follows with a right hand. Crossbody gets two, and Warlord reverses a piledriver, which is countered into a sunset flip for two. Bulldog gets caught on a blind charge, and locks on the DEADLY full nelson. FEEL THE TENSION!! I don’t buy for one second that a freaking FULL NELSON is a deadly submission hold. Maybe if they pulled a Ken Shamrock and had blood ooze from his mouth, that’s always effective. Of course, Davey Boy breaks the hold and the Warlord is in SHOCK, so Bulldog scoops him up and powerslams him for the pin.

Winner: The British Bulldog

-This had some decent stuff, but was too slow and plodding for my tastes. ** for typical stuff.

-Backstage, Mean Gene is with the Nasty Boys, who promise to break the Hart Foundation and win the titles.

-The Hart Foundation are not too pleased with that, as the Anvil freaks out in his own way. Bret Hart gives a generic response.

WWF Tag Team Championship

The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart) vs. The Nasty Boys

Macuauly Culkin is in the crowd, enjoying his 15 minutes. Sags hammers away on Bret to start, but Bret gets a crossbody and hammers away. He catches Knobbs coming in with an inverted atomic drop, and brings Sags back in the ring the hard way. Bret works the arm, and trips Sags down before stomping him. Knobbs tags in and jaws at Neidhart, who then wants the tag. Anvil hammers away in the corner, and gets a hiptoss before throwing Knobbs through the ropes. The crowd is definitely alive for this one. Back in, Anvil works Knobbs’ arm, but Knobbs gets a tag to Sags, who slugs away. Anvil rams Sags’ head into the mat and gets a tag to Bret, who sends Sags into the corner and gets a 10 punch. Russian leg sweep and second rope elbow gets two. Knobbs comes in and gets clobbered. But Bret turns his back too soon and gets jumped from behind. Sags gets a clothesline, as Anvil chases Jimmy Hart around outside. Sags works over Bret, and gets a chinlock. Knobbs gets the tag, and gets his own chinlock. Oh come on guys, at least do SOMETHING different, don’t just trade places. Sags gets the tag and if he gets another chinlock I’m gonna throw something. Sags gets a neckbreaker, as that move always looked painful to me, and GOES BACK TO THE CHINLOCK!! You know I was actually enjoying this match and they had it rolling until this Chinlock Marathon 1991. Bret counters out of it with a neckbreaker of his own, but Knobbs comes running in to prevent the tag. Knobbs goes BACK TO THE CHINLOCK, but Bret has had enough and slams Knobbs out of it. This time Sags comes in to break up the tag, but they mess up the double team on Bret and now all 3 guys are down. He makes the tag to the Anvil, but of course the referee doesn’t see it, pissing off the crowd. As the referee tries to get Anvil out, Knobbs hits Sags with the megaphone by accident. HOT tag to Anvil who cleans house, and throws Knobbs on top of Sags before clotheslining both of them. Powerslam gets two, as now Bret and Sags are going at it. The Nasty Boys run into each other and the Foundation gets the Hart Attack, but the referee is occupied and Knobbs CRACKS Neidhart with the motorcycle helmet, and Knobbs rolls over for the three count.

Winners and NEW Champions: The Nasty Boys

-Well this was basically the Nasty Boys cheating their asses off and getting lucky in the end, it slowed down towards the middle, so it gets **1/2

-Recap of the Jake/Martel feud, as Martel blinded Jake with his “Arrogance” perfume spray. Jake was blinded for months, and they used the white contacts to drive the point home.

Blindfold Match

Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. “The Model” Rick Martel

There is a reason you don’t see many blindfold matches, and here’s People’s Exhibit A. Hoods are put over their heads, which they can obviously see out of. Well, I wish I could describe in great detail the action that is going on here, but there really ISN’T any. And you guys know how great of a recapped I am. Basically, Jake points and the crowd cheers when he is pointing at Martel. Martel trips over Jake and he rolls him up for two. Martel whips him off the ropes, and Jake dodges the back body drop by running around him. Why don’t people always just do that? Jake points some more, but even though this match sucks I have to admit, I was marking out while watching this for the first time. It was an original idea at least. They bump asses and Martel charges but runs into the ropes. Heenan describes Jake as someone who “goes bump in the night”. They find each other finally and Martel gets a bodyslam, then Martel drops an elbow about 4 minutes later, but of course Jake has already moved. Heenan works the “I can’t hear you it’s so loud in here” routine. More crawling around aimlessly, as Martel attacks the referee by accident. OK, so a technical marvel this one ain’t. Martel crawls into Damien and FREAKS out, as they crawl around some more and Jake keeps on pointing. They find each other and Jake falls outside the ring, and Martel follows like a COMPLETE idiot and grabs a chair. He swings aimlessly at the air, as Jake has already rolled back inside. He backs into the post, so he cracks the chair against it and hurts his hands. Jake grabs him and pulls him inside, but Martel gets a backbreaker. Martel locks in the Boston Crab, but Jake powers out of it. Martel stumbles back, and Jake catches him with the DDT, has a little trouble finding him, but rolls over and gets the pin.

Winner: Jake “The Snake” Roberts

-Gorilla calls this a “tremendous match up” which is stretching it. This had about 15 seconds of actual contact, and even though I enjoyed this as “entertainment”, as wrestling it was bad. DUD for wrestling, **1/2 for entertainment.

-Backstage, Marla Maples is with the celebrating Jimmy Hart clan. As the Mountie and Dino Bravo and Earthquake all go insane.

“Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs. The Undertaker

Undertaker gets a damn nice pop on the BONG of his entrance even then. This was shortly after his debut at the 1990 Survivor Series, as the crowd just doesn’t know what to make of him. UT jumps him from behind, and hammers away in the corner. UT gets a flying clothesline off the ropes, and UT chokes him out in the corner. Snuka gets dumped through the ropes, and gets suplexed in off the apron. Snuka has gotten ZERO offense so far. UT misses an elbow, and Snuka gets a headbutt and some chops. Snuka tries a crossbody, but UT ducks and Snuka goes over the top rope to the floor. Snuka tries another crossbody, but gets caught and Tombstoned for the pin.

Winner: The Undertaker

-A total and complete squash, * for the beginning of the Decade of Destruction.

-Recap of the Savage/Warrior feud, as the Ultimate Fruitcake gets screwed out of the title by Savage and loses to Saddam Slaughter.

Retirement Match

“Macho King” Randy Savage (w/Sherri) vs. Ultimate Warrior

Heenan spots Miss Elizabeth in the crowd, looking distraught and sad. Warrior walks to the ring, something I’ve never seen him do. Lockups to start, and Warrior chucks Savage across the ring, but Savage hammers away to take over. Warrior catches him with a shoulderblock and Savage runs around the ring at attacks from behind. Warrior catches him with a clothesline and a nice inverted atomic drop. Atomic drop from the Warrior and a hanging choke. Sherri comes running in, so Warrior tosses Savage onto her for a big pop. Savage gets tied up in the ropes, so Warrior hammers away, but Savage catches him with his head down and gets a clothesline. Savage goes up top, but Warrior catches him, puts him down on his feet and slaps him OHHHHH IT’S ON B*TCH!! Savage comes back in and attacks the Warrior from behind, but he gets caught and Warrior slugs away. Warrior stomps a mudhole in the corner, but neglects to walk it dry. Warrior misses a blind charge and falls to the outside, so Sherri comes around and tees off on him. Savage comes off the top with a double ax to the floor, Savage rolls back in and Sherri lays some knees and a back rake to the Warrior, before he shoves her to the ground. Savage jumps him from behind again and runs him into the post. Sherri wants some more and lays some kicks into Warrior, as Savage drags him into the ring and bodyslams him. Gorilla says this is the “largest audience in the history of PPV” when it usually takes a few days to get the buyrate, so I smell bullsh*t. They fight over a backslide, and Warrior gets two, so Savage spits on him and takes a powder. Savage tries to jump him from behind again, but Warrior catches him with a clothesline, but misses his shoulderblock and Savage gets two. Savage locks on a sleeper as the crowd is RABID at this point. Warrior fights out and they clothesline each other for the double KO. Sherri tries desperately to revive the Macho King, as they get quite a few shots of her ass in the process. Warrior gets a small package for about an 8 count behind the referee while he’s tied up with Sherri, and Warrior argues with the referee. Savage gives him a high knee from behind, and the referee gets bumped. Sherri mistakenly hits Savage with her shoe off the top rope, and now the Warrior chases Sherri around the ring (“Come here, b*tch”). Warrior finally gets a hold of her, but Savage rolls him up for a very close two count. Warrior gets driven into the corner, and Savage clotheslines him on the top rope. Savages clotheslines him on the top rope again, and gets a bodyslam for two. Savage up top and hits the Flying Elbow, but that’s not good enough so Savage goes up and hits it again. Back up top, ANOTHER Flying Elbow nails the Warrior. Savage isn’t done yet, so he goes back up for a FOURTH Flying Elbow, and one more you say? Five Flying Elbows and the crowd, Monsoon, and Heenan think the Warrior is DEAD. Savage covers, but it only gets two! Man, talk about killing a finishing move right there. Warrior is a little beat up, so Savage hammers away, but Warrior gets to the ropes and starts CRAZYING-UP! Warrior getting strength from ropes is about as stupid as me getting energy from a doorknob. Warrior slugs away and clotheslines him down. Warrior hoists up Macho in the Gorilla Press, and gets the big splash and it gets…TWO??! Wow, talk about a near fall. The Warrior apparently takes this as a bad sign, as he starts to talk to his hands and the sky. Warrior decides he’s not destined to win, and decides to talk a walk as Hebner tries to remind him it’s his career on the line. Savage jumps him from behind and sends Warrior to the floor. That’s all the motivation Warrior needs, so he decides to stick around this time. Savage tries a double ax off the top, but the Warrior nails him on the way down and is PISSED off. Back inside, Warrior gets a big flying shoulder tackle, sending Savage to the outside. He brings Savage back inside and gives him ANOTHER flying tackle, sending him to the outside again. Warrior isn’t done yet and brings him back in the ring, and delivering ANOTHER flying shoulderblock and plants a foot on Savage for the pin and the end of Savage’s career.

Winner: The Ultimate Warrior

-Post-match, Sherri freaks out on Savage for losing, before Miss Elizabeth comes out of the crowd to kick some righteous ass. Her and Savage do the big embrace in the middle of the ring to turn Savage face for good and a happy ending to Savage’s career. I gotta give this thing ****1/2 for the whole deal, as this is Warrior’s best match EVER.

-Really stupid skit with Vince McMahon, Paul McGuire, and George Steinbrenner who discuss bringing instant replay into the WWF. What the hell is this crap? They couldn’t give more time to actual WRESTLING?!? It’s so blatant that Steinbrenner is reading off of cue cards, and McGuire sounds like the idiot that he always does on Sunday Night Football. Vince isn’t much better (“Fire him? You mean like, from his JOB?”). The fast forward button is my best friend.

-Backstage, the Undertaker measures Regis Philbin for a casket, who gets all weirded out. Alex Trebek is with Jake “The Snake” Roberts, who chases him off with Damien.

Demolition (Crush and Smash) vs. Tenryu and Kitao

Demolition has really come to the end of their run with this one, as Crush was the beginning of the end. I still maintain that Demolition had the greatest theme music ever, which of course they don’t have here. Tenryu and Kitao are the very definition of “generic Japanese wrestlers”. Crush starts with Kitao, and Kitao gets a weak knee lift, but Mr. Fuji hits him with his cane to turn the tide. Wow, that didn’t take long. Smash tags in and gets a back suplex, then tags back in Crush who comes off the top with a double ax handle. Back in comes Smash, who chokes him on the top rope, but takes a clothesline on a blind charge and Kitao gets the hot tag to Tenryu. Tenryu is a house of fire, and gets a bodyslam on Smash, but misses a flying elbow. Crush comes in and gets a backbreaker off the ropes, as Smash comes in with another back suplex. Crush tags in, but Tenryu breaks up the Total Demolition finisher by knocking Crush off the top rope. Tenryu gets an enzuguri to Smash, and then a powerbomb for the pin.

Winners: Tenryu and Kitao

-This just wasn’t that good, *1/2 for a formula tag match.

-Mean Gene is backstage with the Big Bossman, who promises to take Mr. Perfect’s Intercontinental title. This was set up by Heenan mocking Bossman’s mother in just about every way possible. Bossman beat every single Heenan Family member, until only the Intercontinental champion remained.

-Sean Mooney is with Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan. Mr. Perfect is “cool as a cat” and isn’t worried in the least. He is what he says he is, and that’s…PERFECT.

WWF Intercontinental Champion

Big Bossman vs. Mr. Perfect

Conventional wisdom has Bossman cleaning Perfect’s clock and winning the title. Bossman’s pop is quite big, as Gorilla welcomes Lord Alfred Hays to the table. Gorilla works the “largest audience in the history of PPV” line again. Bossman hocks a HUGE loogie on Perfect to start, so Perfect slaps him, but then bails. Bossman follows and slaps him as Perfect works the 180 sell a record 10 seconds into the match. Back in, Bossman grabs Perfect by the hair and swings him around in a circle, ouch. Perfect whips Bossman to the corner, but Bossman slides under the ropes and comes back in with a big clothesline. Still amazed how agile the Bossman was for how big he is. He sends Perfect over the top rope and Perfect cowers at Heenan’s feet. Back inside, Bossman misses a blind charge, but reverses a whip into the corner and Perfect does a weird 360 sell when he hits. Has to be seen to understand. Bossman takes his belt off, as it’s time to serve hard time. Bossman whips Perfect as Heenan has a heart attack, but Bossman turns his attention to Heenan, and that allows Perfect to get the belt and wrap it around his fist. He nails Bossman in the ribs a few times before the referee steps in. Bossman takes a whip into the corner and Perfect works the chinlock. He switches to the classic early 90s heat move, the abdominal stretch. I miss Bobby Heenan. Standing dropkick from Perfect gets two. Perfect chops the sweat off of him, and then snaps Bossman’s neck back. Perfect tries the Perfectplex, but Bossman small packages for two. Perfect snaps his neck the OTHER way now in a painful looking spot, and it gets two. Perfect goes up top but jumps right into a boot from the Bossman, and the Bossman is PISSED. Perfect does the 360 sell as Bossman rams him into the corner, and Bossman just throws him around the ring. He drags Perfect “little Perfect” first into the post, and works him over in the corner. Bossman makes the mistake of going after Heenan, so Perfect rams him into the steps. Heenan gets his shots in as ANDRE THE GIANT makes his way to ringside. Heenan almost makes a mess in his pants as he backpedals very quickly. Perfect is working over Bossman in the ring, as Andre grabs the IC title and stalks Heenan. This would be Andre’s last WrestleMania appearance, as he has to steady himself on the ring apron as he walks, which is so sad to see. Bossman is down, and Perfect complains about Andre having his title, so he gets in his face and Andre just CLOCKS him with the title, sending him halfway across the ring. Double KO in the ring as Andre continues his stalking of Bobby Heenan. Bossman slowly crawls over…for two. Barbarian and Haku hit the ring for the DQ and the cheap ending. Perfect rolls outside, but Andre LEVELS him with a right hand as he goes into 360 mode again. Inside, Bossman cleans up on the Barbarian and Haku and sends him all over the top rope into the waiting arms of Andre the Giant, who chops the hell out of them. Bossman wins, but no title.

Winner by DQ: Big Bossman

-Ending aside, this match was actually quite enjoyable, but it was very sad seeing Andre in this state. Andre raises Bossman’s hand afterwards. **3/4 for some good stuff.

-Mean Gene interviews The Donald, Chuck Norris, and the FREAKING FONZ! Hey, there’s the Incredible Hulk too. Dang, aside from trump this is like “Parade of the B-List Stars”.

Earthquake vs. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine

Is that a squash I smell? Heenan rejoins the Gorilla, as Earthquake works over Valentine in the corner. Quake powerslams Valentine for two, and draws some good heel heat. Quake misses a blind charge, and Valentine chops him in the corner. I really wish I could have a time machine and do a triple threat dream match of 1983 Greg Valentine vs. 1987 Ricky Steamboat vs. Current Chris Benoit. They could just chop the living hell out of each other all night. Valentine gets an elbow and a clothesline, but can’t get Earthquake down. A second rope elbow finally sends Quake to the mat, and Valentine goes for the Figure Four, but Jimmy Hart jumps on the apron. Like all stupid babyfaces, Valentine STOPS doing his finishing move that will win the freaking match and goes over to yell at Jimmy Hart. Earthquake jumps him from behind, gets a big elbow drop and gets the Butt Splash for three.

Winner: Earthquake

-Do you even have to ask? * for short and in slow motion.

-Backstage, Sean Mooney is with the Legion of Doom. Animal is just a TAD bit upset at Power and Glory ruining their title shot. Hawk says they are going to turn them into Sour and Gory…ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH WHAT A RUSH!!!

Power and Glory (Hercules and Paul Roma) vs. Legion of Doom

I would say “former Four Horseman member” Paul Roma, but I would throw up my dinner in complete and utter sickness. Power and Glory jump the LOD before the bell, but Hawk gets a double clothesline and Animal and Roma are left in the ring. Roma gets caught with a powerslam off the top rope and the LOD hit their finisher, and that’s all she wrote.

Winners: Legion of Doom

-I still don’t get this, as Power and Glory were gaining some very impressive heel heat here, but this squash ruined it all. DUD for the squash.

-Recap of Virgil/DiBiase feud, as DiBiase ORDERED Virgil to strap the Million Dollar Belt around his waist at the Royal Rumble, but Virgil nails him with it instead, kicking off the turn everyone was waiting for. Virgil was quite over at this time, getting the underdog pops everywhere he went. A nice angle, with Virgil luring DiBiase outside the ring while he was wrestling a jobber, and arguing with him until he gets counted out. “You spell MAN, V-I-R-G-I-L”

“Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil (w/Roddy Piper)

Piper is on crutches courtesy of a motorcycle accident a few weeks earlier. Virgil dances and tees of on DiBiase with right hands, frustrating him, and sending him to the outside with a final right hand. DiBiase wants to box now, and Virgil gets the best of him again and DiBiase rolls out of the ring. DiBiase is none too pleased with the crowd or Piper, and Virgil flips Ted back into the ring. Big clothesline from Virgil sends DiBiase back outside, and Virgil rolls him back in. DiBiase catches him with a knee back inside, but Virgil chops him down for two. This match is certainly taking a while to get going here, as it’s mostly just standoffs. Virgil takes DiBiase down, trying to get over the fact that DiBiase is frustrated. Ted gets a drop toehold, and DiBiase drives his head into the mat and chops away at Virgil in the corner. The desperate attempt to get the “largest audience ever” thing over is kinda over the top. DiBiase clotheslines him down and a nice piledriver for two. Textbook suplex from DiBiase gets another two. Gutwrench suplex gets another two count, and DiBiase tosses him over the top rope next to Piper. DiBiase sends Virgil back in and then shoves Piper down, drawing HUGE heel heat. Back inside, Virgil takes a big powerslam as Piper struggles to get up on the outside (Brain: “I’ve FALLEN and I can’t get up HAHAHAHA!!”). DiBiase tries to bounce off the ropes, but Piper pulls the rope down with his crutch, which is a mistake, as DiBiase gets up and slugs Piper. DiBiase keeps on Piper, as the bell suddenly rings and DiBiase realizes he has been counted out while being occupied with Piper. DiBiase is MAD, and he comes back in and locks the Million Dollar Dream on Virgil. Cool visual as the crowd helps Piper to his feet, and he comes in the ring and WAFFLES DiBiase with his crutch. Piper is going to take DiBiase to the woodshed, but Sherri makes a run in and grabs the crutch. Piper gets to slug her, but stops when he sees it’s a woman, allowing DiBiase to jump him from behind and works Piper’s knee like a mofo. Ripping the brace off, and demolishing it with the crutch, now THAT’S a heel. Virgil finally gets up and clears the ring, but not before Sherri has found her new man, and Piper is now in “super psycho” mode. He nails any referees who try to help him, before Virgil comes back in and coaxes him to his feet with words of encouragement. Just call him Tony Robbins Virgil!

Winner by count out: Virgil

-Well, the match wasn’t that good, but it had a good storyline and good drama behind it. I’ll be generous and give it **.

-Sean Mooney recaps the Slaughter heel turn and resulting feud with Hulk Hogan. Those “Hulk Rules” t-shirts sure burn pretty damn quick. General Adnan does his token Arab rant, and Slaughter tells the “Puke-a-maniacs” to stand at attention. Slaughter does the evil “HA HA HA HA” laugh as Slaughter says he MIGHT get himself DQ’ed or counted out on purpose.

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Tito is in limbo here, but he starts off with a crossbody that sends the Mountie into the arms of Jimmy Hart. Back inside, Tito gets an atomic drop as the Mountie grabs the shock stick from Jimmy Hart and shocks Tito for the win.

Winner: The Mountie

-Wow, um…well that was short. DUD cause there were 4 moves in the whole match.

-MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN WHOOOOOOO GENE is with Hulk Hogan, who promises he and all his little Hulkamaniacs have some secret battle plans for Slaughter. Superstars taping where Slaughter locks on the Camel Clutch and Adnan holds the Iraqi flag in front of Hogan’s face, and you WONDER why people thought this angle was tasteless? Damn.

WWF World Title

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan

Regis joins the announce table, and Alex Trebek handles the ring announcing duties. Who the hell thought that waving an Iraqi flag in the middle of the ring during the Gulf War was a good way to sell tickets? I’m STILL mad about this 14 years later. Hogan’s pop is Austin-like, which is kind of weird to say, since I never thought anyone would get pops bigger than Hulk Hogan. Feeling out period, and Slaughter backs Hogan into a corner, but Hulk shoves Hebner out of the way and goes right back at Slaughter. He shoves Slaughter across the ring, as the Sarge bitches about hair pulling…but he doesn’t have enough to pull. Shoulderblock sends Slaughter down, and Adnan pulls him out to safety. Hogan doesn’t want Slaughter counted out, so he goes out after him and Adnan gets a cheap shot in, allowing Slaughter to hit Hogan with a chair. Hogan no-sells it and sends Slaughter back in and the Sarge begs off. Slaughter goes to the eyes to take over, and rams Hulk into the corner, then follows with an elbow off the ropes. Slaughter drives the knee into Hogan, but misses an elbow drop and Hulk hammers away. Big clothesline sends the Sarge down, and General Adnan gets nailed off the apron. Corner clothesline for Hogan, and an atomic drop gets two. Slaughter rolls outside, but Hogan goes out quickly and rolls him back in. Ace crusher for Hogan gets another two count. Hogan sends Slaughter into the corner and then into the post and is just beating the holy hell out of Slaughter. Back body drop from the corner, and Slaughter was “10, 12 feet in the air” according to the Brain. Slaughter takes a hard whip into the corner, and Hogan gets a high knee…whoa, MOVESET BABY! Hogan slingshots Slaughter into the post and just pounds away on Slaughter. Damn, I don’t know why, but I’m FEELIN this brawl. Another corner clothesline, and Hogan gets a 10-punch in the corner to the delight of the capacity crowd. Why is every wrestling crowd “capacity”? Hogan gets two off of another corner whip, but gets caught by Slaughter coming off the second rope. Hogan no-sells and drops an elbow on the Sarge. Hogan goes UP TOP (?!!?), but Adnan grabs his leg and Slaughter slams him off. Slaughter clotheslines Hogan over the top rope and follows him out, ramming him into the post and grabbing a chair. Sarge cracks Hogan over the back, trying to draw the DQ, but the referee isn’t calling for it. Sarge chokes out Hogan with a cable, and rolls him back into the ring. Slaughter starts working the back to prepare for the Camel Clutch, and gets a backbreaker for two. Sarge argues with Hebner over the count for some cheap heat, and goes back to stomping Hogan. Sarge catches Hogan in a Boston Crab to stay on the back, but the match loses a little bit in my eyes as Hogan is about 6 inches from the ropes but doesn’t grab them. Even REGIS PHILBIN notices that. Hogan finally develops a brain and grabs the ropes, but Slaughter stays on him with knee drops to the back. Slaughter decides to go to the top rope and comes off with a stomp to the back…OUCH. Weird spot as General Adnan distracts the referee while Slaughter has Hogan pinned for almost a 10 count. Sarge is pissed, so he grabs a chair and cracks Hogan over the head as Hogan blades on camera. Sarge gets two and Hogan has a NICE stream of blood covering his face now. Sarge gets a short-arm clothesline, and locks on the Camel Clutch. Sarge breaks it and stomps the hell out of the back some more, and then puts the hold back on him. The heat here is MASSIVE, as the camera is actually shaking with Hogan in the hold. Hogan tries to power out of it, as he gets Sarge on his back, but Slaughter drives Hogan into the corner. Adnan hands Sarge the Iraqi flag, who then lays it on top of Hogan and then covers him. Ohh, BAD IDEA…Hogan kicks out and tears the Iraqi flag, and now he’s HULKING UP!! Cool visual as Hogan looks at his hands after touching his face and gets MORE upset after seeing the blood…HE’S HARDCORE! HE’S HARDCORE! You know the story now, three punches, big boot, and drops the leg…1…2…3! Hogan is champion for a record 4^th time.

Winner and NEW Champion: Hulk Hogan

-Hogan does the usual celebration and posing afterwards. I don’t know why, but I got into this a lot, with Hogan and Slaughter having a pretty damn good brawl. I’m gonna give this *** for good heat and some good brawling.

Final Word

Well I recommend if you haven’t seen the retirement match, to go see it, because you won’t see a better match from the Warrior. Plus if you want to see Hogan get hardcore and blade, this is the match for you. I’ll recommend it only if you haven’t seen it, but don’t kill yourself trying to find it.

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WrestleMania: The Complete Anthology Volume 2 DVD Boxset

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