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Ask the Armpit

March 2005

We welcome your comments and questions on the world of pro wrestling, mixed martial arts (MMA), and the Armpit in general.  To submit your comments, please use the form on our Contact Us page.

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hey Professor...

my suggestion is:  Keep a fairly regular reminder to your readers to submit ideas for both "backstage fights" and "famous quotes".  They're both great reads.  It seems that they fizzle, get revived, fizzle, etc.  Quotes should be a fairly easy one, being there should be at least 1 good one each week or so.

damn damn damn.  You had me again.  1/3 of the way through the Hogan press release.

i'm such an ass

...the Meatball

Hi - I just read the Meltzer interview, very good. I thought for sure you'd ask specifically how many subscribers he has...I'd think more than 7,000. Very good.

Vinny Carolan

Former co-cost of "WrestleRadio USA"

Armpit: I just know if I asked that question, which is very personal, that he'd say, "I don't know, it varies all the time."  I know for a fact it was 5,000 back in 1992 or 1993, and on his radio show in 2000, Raven asked him that same question and he said it was 7,500.  So there you go.

I got a kick out of your website.  I’ve read a few items and laughed at all of them.  I’ll definitely add a link the next time I update.

Jason Campbell

www.prowrestlinghistory.com

Armpit: Jason's website totally kicks ass.  I visit several times a week.  You should too.

Hey man this is Matthew Cress, if you remember.  I used to do the guest stuff with Travis Johnson and all that. I was just dropping a line to say its nice to see you have the site back up, and I think its going pretty well. I enjoy reading your blogs and Travis' article was freaking great. We're still close, and I know for a fact he has some hilarious stuff up his sleeve. As for me, I sort of quit messing with wrestling entirely. The shows are nearly unwatchable, Japan is in the toilet, and watching old stuff just makes me yearn for better days (even mid-1990's WWF, which was, well, total crap). I am even in the process of selling my IMMENSE wrestling collection (400+ tapes, 200+ figures, 30 shirts, hundreds of magazines, etc.). It is a sad experience, almost like putting a price on childhood (well, in my case, childhood to adulthood).

Anyway, I am in "legitimate" journalism now, editing my university paper, and writing sports for a couple of local papers.  If I only I could have been paid to write about wrestling, but there's only...3 or 4 guys who have been lucky enough to do that. Anyway man, let me know what you've been up to, and keep up the good work!

- Matthew W. Cress

Armpit: Great to hear from you, Matt.  Good luck to you in your career. 

Armpit: The following email is from Dave Meltzer regarding our fictitious post on WWE acquiescing to Hulk Hogan's demand that Rock not be re-signed by WWE.

Rock's not a wrestler anymore, and not by choice. We're still trying to figure it out. Unlike with Bret, where Vince was paranoid and wrong but I could see where a paranoid Vince was coming from, this really showed Vince's real colors.

At least as of Tuesday, the story about WWE trying to make amends with Rock was a public work. HHH has for real been behind the whole thing and hates Rock with a passion. Rock is having fun, knowing WWE can only respond by burying themselves. Rock talked with Vince a few weeks back after being told "administrative oversight" in January by someone else in the company. He thought maybe they'd work it out, but Vince was cold, and simply said thank you for all you've done for us and maybe somewhere down the line we'll do business again. Rock thanked him for giving him his break. The way it went down bothers him a lot. When they said publicly it was an oversight, Rock was skeptical. After a few weeks of not getting one call while WWE kept saying they were going to get in touch with them, he thought it was pathetic. We've been joking how funny it is that they are willing to make themselves publicly look like a clueless company that forgot about the expiration of the contract of their most famous star, and are so oblivious to how it looks to the public they keep saying it.

Then again, that was Tuesday. Haven't talked with him since.

(Vader and Ken Shamrock) did a worked match on an FMW show billed as an octagon cage match in Japan that Vader won. They also did a few WWE matches that were very stiff including Ken's first major WWE PPV match. Vader has never done an MMA match, but because they did the Japanese match in the octagon cage, MMA fans, who have no understanding of early MMA (Pancrase, RINGS, etc. is totally unknown as they take wins and losses as gospel not knowing storylines and what is and isn't worked) may think Vader beat Ken in an MMA match. 

Dave

Hello Professor,

Ever since I started going to your site for the daily blog and everything, I have enjoyed myself every day. I especially agreed with the 2-16 blog. While Flair is not an angel, he also realized talent and helped others get to a higher level (Sting: Best example). Triple H doesn't realize it. The title reign now -- fine, but he should have been out of contention until New Year's revolution. Can't you have the situation with the title without him. I think in some ways (naive as this may sound), that TNA PPV's have stepped up their game as of late. It's just one problem: Jarrett is still champ. You have the most popular wrestler in A.J. Styles fighting in the X division, which is not a bad idea for now, but Monty Brown not being champ by now -- that sucks. The Alpha Male should have won that title at Final Resolution, because he has to be the monster of that entire program. As for the others (Nash, Hall, DDP, etc.), I know they are big names, but they had big matches 10 years ago. Let's hype up people like Primetime and Fallen Angel and get them going. Well, anyway I'm about to watch Smackdown and wonder how JBL is going to whimper his way out of something --

Talk to you late Professor

Marvin Holman

Danville, IL

Don't know if you have the answer to this one.  Why, Oh why, did WWE fire a group of wrestler like, Rico, Gunn, Jazz, etc?  And then Hire all those no-talent Divas?   I mean I like T&A as much as the next guy. But when I watch wrestling, the only T&A I want is TNA.

Sven

Armpit: The writers didn't know how to utilize Rico or Jazz.  Gunn was fired for disciplinary reasons.  They hire the no-talent divas because they're trying to attract teenagers, to no avail.  

Hey Professor good idea posting articles from the old site, I had forgotten about the 10 Most Annoying Fans one, very funny and true to life! Also the backstage fights update was great, that Booker T gym fight was unknown until now so I'm guessing you were told about it by an inside source? Anyway the site is going great, keep up the good work.

Sorry to pester you again but I had an idea for a Mock My Brain, why don't you do one with the Honky Tonk Man, he blew off your interview didn't he? I checked out his site, what a douche that guy is.

Paul Kennett

Armpit: Good idea, but I don't even want to waste my time on HTM. 

I don't recall how I ran across your site, but I have really enjoyed it since.

Just a note on your Shoot fighting tournament. You already have Batista and being a monster, but to add to that. I used to work with a cousin of his and he carried around family pictures, because nobody believed him. All the guys in that family are huge. He mentioned to me that Batista has a legitimate fighting skills. Some Filipino or Hispanic martial arts that I would never be able remember.

Just mark me down now. Ten years from now we will find out that Dusty Rhodes has been on Vince's payroll the entire time. Just running them all into the ground, so they can never compete.

Just thought I'd let you know that, that Hogan post was outstanding. One of the better parodies I have read in awhile. I bought the first one hook, line and sinker. I questioned the one about The Rock, but McMahon is vindictive enough to do that, finally I caught on and it was all good from then on. 

Another fine parody (on the Foley piece).  This part was funny because it sounds like a Mad Libs bit:

"Rumors about me are total keyboard. Phone jacks, picture frames, AM/FM radios, they're all the same. I'm a clipboard for one reason, and one reason only, to take out the trash and punch the remote control. And Baba Booey to y'all."

Keep up the good work.

Tom Bombadil

WP,

I have noted the last couple of days You have mentioned that if You don't get some help the site will become a thing of the past. Unfortunately I am not in a position to help (I am smart and funny but my style doesn't transfer well to print, you need to see me live) but I would like to say my life would contain less smiles and more work if the armpit went and I am sure many people feel the same way. I hope this little bit of praise makes the hard work seem more worthwhile.

Best Wishes

Andrew

p.s. I was one of the lucky few to read the Wade Keller "Mock my Brain", funny but you are right it may have been a bit much

p.p.s. Let me know if You don't get the help You need, I'll take a course in comedy writing and then do all I can

Armpit: Thank you for the kind words.  The site will remain up for now.  There are other things I want to do that are non-wrestling related, but we should be able to keep this up because we've gotten some help from other columnists.  We'll probably post less, like twice a week.  Three times a week was overkill, and killing me as well. 

1st of all, glad I found the sight, secondly, lots of disagreements on the round 2 fights.

Ric Flair vs. Mabel: I think Ric would win and here's why. Ric is a devout Collegiate wrestling fan and a real life tough guy. I know he doesn't look it but he is. Ric also tried to KO Mick Foley who wouldn't fight back. Mabel: have you ever seen Emanual Yarborough? Fat guys like that can't fight and have no wind. Ric would outbox him, take him down, and hammer him.

Eddy Guerrero vs. John Cena: Are you kidding me thinking Cena? The guy is all pretty boy and weights. Guerrerro is the real deal. He's been in fights with Hawk and Kurt Angle. Granted he lost but what does Cena bring to the table? Guerrerro like Flair, has amateur wrestling background and is hot tempered as all hell. Plus gets points for being Latino.

Charlie Haas vs. Daniel Puder: I'm not going to disagree with you here, I just disagree that you seemed to think it would be close. Listen, a trained UFC guy will always beat an amateur wrestling guy with no ground skills. Look at the first Puder-Angle fight. Puder should sweep the field here with only Taker, RVD, and Angle coming close. Haas couldn't even out wrestle Puder.

D-Von Dudley vs. RVD: Here, I disagree strongly. D-Von is one of those scary looking thugs who's never been in a fight because of his looks. RVD would slay him. He's a legit Martial Artist and could probably whoop 90% of the roster. I doubt D-Von is anywhere near the shape cardio wise, nor does he throw kicks and punches as well.

Marcos Cortest

Armpit: I appreciate the friendly debate.  Ric Flair is a real wrestler, no doubt.  But he's 56.  Eddy is overrated and I think having a bad temper doesn't make him tough, but you may have a point about Cena.  Haas was a world class wrestler, not just an amateur wrestling guy.  I think it would be close.  You might be right on RVD, but I can't imagine him getting pissed.  He did smack Taz, and that takes lots of guts. 

Professor yes it is me again Suicidal Angel. The Pit Stop is by far the best thing to this web site in a while. This month he said he was going to TONE down the jokes because most of these fans don't get them due to the fact that they know nothing else but WWE, Well that is too Bad!!!!!! If E.C.W had TONED down the shows so everybody would understand it there would of been no WWF (e) ATTIUDE !!!!!!

Please understand that a watered down version of the Pit Stop would be a true insult to students of the professor that DO watch all wrestling from Japanese to Old tapes of R.O.H.  There is not going to be a Poll this month from the Pit Stop, Miss Pit Stop is Crying because 7 people voted in his Poll???????

WELL BoooHoooo.  Nobody Cares about my Pit Stop Poll.  Pit Stop is the Best thing thing that you have done in A long Time!!!!! Pit Stop is such a great add on.

I guess I should GIVE UP and pull out a old Latino World Order shirt out as well as 2 or 3 Belts and head down to Sunday Night Heat event with all the marks I mean "True Fans"

Thank You, And I will Be looking forward to next month's Pit Stop

Your Faithfull Student

Suicidal Angel

--cbaca

Armpit: Looks like someone's definitely going to order the ECW One-Night Stand PPV this summer.

Either Derek Burgan (Torch.com/Gumgod.com) or Keith Lipinski (Torch/ PuroresuPower/ F4W~! /Wrestlecrap/Justabouteveryotherwrestlingrelatedwebsiteorpublicationonplanetearth) would be perfect interview subjects for your site - which is hilarious. Great work.

Mike

Armpit: We'll be interviewing Keith.  Sorry, I'm not familiar with Burgan's work.

Ben Miller's a liberal, too.  Sorry.

Todd Martin

Armpit: Todd wrote me this after our Pick My Brain with Dan Wahlers.  You longtimers will also remember the interview we did with Ben Miller three years ago. 

I read in your Dan Wahlers interview that he was the last of the Observer columnists that you hadn't interviewed. However, there's at least one guy that you haven't interviewed: Justin Shapiro. He's been the Heat recapper at WO.com for the past year and half or so, and maybe you haven't read his stuff. Seriously, though, he writes great, funny recaps that are far more entertaining than Heat itself.  I think he's the best recapper on the site, and he'd be a more interesting interview than Dan Wahlers so I think it would be cool if you interviewed him.

That said, great job with the previous interviews, and keep up the good work!

Matt Feuerstein

Armpit: Thank you.  I think we're done interviewing people from that site.  It's just too much overkill, and I'd rather just swing from one of Meltzer's nuts rather than both.  Poor Dave must be sick to death of us riding his coattails.

You're a wimp and a loser. I haven't read the Wade Keller story and it's not there anymore. You suck ...

;-))

Of course I'm kidding.

Mickel Tilburg

I havn't seen the quiz yet, yet here are my answers...

1.  Stevie Ray had "Slap Jack" on his tights during his match against Vincent in a match to determine the head of the nWo black and white...

2.  Sandman was talked about being THE BOWLER~! in WCW, which could have made an awesome saturday night program with the golfer barry darsow and the gambler.

3.  william shatner was promoting Tek War on USA, and with Bret as they were proud captains of canadian industry

4.   "Mean" Mark Callous's finisher was the dreaded dasterdly heart punch.

5.  Pop's was definitily the heart and soul of the Misfits In Action, even more so then Lash LaRue who played a moose in their awful DX like parody of Team Canada..

Dr. Keith Lipinski
 

Hi,

I just looked at your site again and saw the new write up on Hercules. You did a great job and I want to thank you for using the Photos that I sent of Ray.  I did send off for the back issue of the Wrestling Observer with his obituary.

If I do run across any more Pictures or info on Ray, you will be the first to receive it.  I hope that one day Rays family will visit your site again and see these articles.  Thanks again for letting me be apart of your tribute to Hercules Hernandez.

Steve

Armpit: Steve, those Hercules pics are something we're incredibly proud of.  I loved those posts.  I wrote his daughter again, along with one of their family friends, and have still heard nothing back.  Sorry.  Looks like we couldn't pull off the reunion.  Maybe one day.  Thanks so much for your help with this site.